Today I have realized very many things about myself.
1. I’m not as spontaneous as I thought I was. I was going to randomly get a tattoo, but decided I didn’t want to regret it later.
When I was younger I thought a lot about what tattoos I would get. One was a dream catcher, something dear to me. And another was a series around my body and not very noticeable. You know the teeny, tiny, harmless spiders that live around your bathroom? For some reason I always wanted to get some of those cuties tattooed around my body. Yes, I am very scared of spiders, but they are the gentlest kind of my biggest fear.
After I hit the age I could get a tattoo without parental consent I decided I never wanted to get any ink. I still think about it from time to time, and very much adore them, but they’re just not for me.
2. I am more desperate to figure myself out than to finish school. Lately I’ve been debating taking a full course load during the summer and extra credits during the other semesters…. Or taking the summer off and cooling it down with the classes in the fall. I’m just not sure how bad I want to graduate early.
I would LOVE a new job. I know it sounds bad since I quit my last job for almost the same reasons I want to quit this one. I’m not a job hopper and I’ve always just dealt with things that drive me absolutely insane, but once again my sanity is at stake here. And also I feel like there are things I shouldn’t have to put up with. I know if I quit the person who replaced me would have to deal with the same things. Regardless, I’m also looking for a job and apartment in walking distance of each other. I’m also trying to shoot for at least a company in my field, and just work myself up, but I don’t require that right now.
My main problem with figuring myself out is that I feel completely different since I moved to my small college town. It comes from many different reasons: I didn’t know anyone down here, it’s a different environment, people are
rude as hell different, I left my home city during somewhat of a crisis in my life without bothering to work it out.
I want to graduate as soon as I can, but I also want to pause and work things out with myself before I move on. How am I suppose to be successful or happy if I’m not at one with myself?
3. Although I have always naturally tried to be a people pleaser, I make more/better friends when I release my personality. Taking my art classes has helped me realize this, mostly because I have found people as weird as I am. I’m weird, I accept it and I love it. And I love being around other humans who are constantly letting their weird show.
4. I’m not as stupid as I think I am. Most of the time I feel stupid because there are a TON of people in the world that like to belittle others (my work). Yes, I have every opportunity to explain myself, but I don’t feel like arguing with assholes. I heard on John Tesh radio that arguing with them stresses you out more, it’s best to simply ignore them. I’m not stupid, your just ignorant. Most people dont listen to reAson anyways. With that being said I’d like to end this section with a nice little quote.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. Einstein
5. If I don’t want to do something, I’m going to find a way to not have to do it.
I have a test in Art History in two days. I studied very hard for the past two tests, but didn’t do so good. I have not at all been motivated to study for this next one. Thankfully I have all day tomorrow since I don’t have class or work. I’ve also scheduled a couple study sections with friends, it should help, it usually does.
But I’m pretty sure everyone gets into that habit. You have a test in a few days and you want to sit down and study but, what’s that? My kitchen floor is dirty! Oh look, the dishes need to be put up. I’ve been wanting to watch this movie for ages. Lets see what’s up on facebook. The clothes are done drying, better fold them!
Yep, we’ve all been there!
6. I love my nose ring. I had to take it out when I started my job and I was okay with it at the time because I thought I was too old for it. Now I just miss it and I feel like a part of me isn’t being shown. Though I still have mixed feelings. So I’ve decided to just wear a clear stud until I get that figured out.
As a side note I’ll share my day!
Today, while in class around noon, I realized it was April Fools day. I’ve never pulled a prank on this day before and decided immediately that I should do so. I googled a picture of a sonogram and posted it on facebook. Since a portion of my Facebook friends are here in my college town, I searched for a sonogram of a young pregnancy, so I wouldn’t need to have a prego belly. I made sure my sonogram didn’t have a mommies name on it, but neglected to check the date. A friend of ‘my baby daddy’ noticed and commented all too soon that the sonogram took place back in 2008. Oh well! A ton of people bought it. His family members called him screaming and asking how he was going to support a baby, someone even asked him when the last time he had sex was. Meanwhile, my family members called to congratulate me. It was a pretty nice day overall!